If Nose Picking Were An Olympic Sport...

...my class would get the gold medal

I don't know if it's because, prior to February I was around middle schoolers way more than elementary school kids, so I'm not used to their nasal cavity fixation, but i can't believe how much my kids pick their noses! Not all of my kids are like this, but those that do go at it with the intensity of an Olympic trainee. It's not the occasional slide up-the-nose-to-get-that-stubborn-booger pick, but more like a ferocious public display of affection for the nasal cavity.

If nose picking were to become an Olympic sport, I've come up with a few categories in which my students would participate.  I've come up with these categories by (grossly) watching their nose-picking skills.

A. The Constant Picker
     This category is for the student who picks his/her nose constantly.  I don't mean it happens occasionally throughout the coarse of the day; no, this student is the one who will go at it for 20 minutes straight while they are looking at me during carpet time, despite the "mean teacher looks" I throw in his direction.  Kid, what are you you expecting to find in there?  You've picked every booger you have or would have had within the next 48 hours????  I promise you that not matter how much longer you go at it, your finger search party will not find gold or a new Pokemon card!

B. The Multiple Finger Picker
     Often, the Multiple Finger Picker (MFP) is often also a constant picker.  But instead of letting the pointer finger hog all the enjoyment, the MFP likes to share the glory with the other digits on his hand.  Maybe he is expecting that Pinkie Finger will find something good that Pointer Finger and Ring Finger missed???

C. The Oblivious Picker
     This type of nose picker is so engrossed (pun intended!) in his task that he doesn't even notice he's doing it.  After watching a constant, multiple-finger picker go at it for several minutes during station time, I quietly told him to stop.  "Stop?" He asked, "Mrs. Lauren stop what? What stop?"
     "Stop picking your nose!" I said, exasperated. "Please use a tissue."
     He looked at me confused for a moment and then looked at his finger.  "Ohhhhh," he said, finally getting the idea of what he was doing wrong.

D. Foreign Objects Picker
     For the Foreign Objects Picker, using fingers is not enough.  This type of nose picker finds it necessary to use SHARED classroom objects for their nose picking.  Pencil from community pencil holder? Yes!  Large eraser shared with other students at the table? YES! Dry erase marker? Why not?! Large pointer I use for shared readings in front of the whole class? That's fair game too! (Whenever possible, I throw away said objects being used for grossness).

E. The Creative Cook
     This category is rather impressive and tough to master.  It requires the student to pick both nostrils at the same time and then quickly flip the fingers into her mouth.  It is like making a claw-like motion from the nose to the mouth.  So disgusting it makes me want to vomit...yet I can't help being a little impressed.

If any of you teachers out there have ideas on how to stop my Olympic hopefuls from training in class, I would very much appreciate the advice!